Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
