there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
