This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
