I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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