Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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