Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
