I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
