I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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