Define "chronic" masturbator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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