were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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