a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
