you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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