You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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