do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
