Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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