I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were trust falling into bushes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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