I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
