I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
