You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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