my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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