rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
