hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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