I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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