he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
