New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
