So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
