he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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