people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
