The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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