she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
