Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
