It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
