They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
