My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
