You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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