We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
