piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
