how can u be prego again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
