have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
high people should be assigned attendants
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
