how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
