stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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