I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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