I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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