Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
