her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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