News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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