Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
