So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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