i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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