What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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