my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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