You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
